Okay So I Wasn't Sure About Writing This, by Anxious

Hi. Hello. Is this thing on? Okay. Okay okay okay.

So they asked me to write a blog post. And I said yes. And then I immediately regretted it. And then I wrote it. And then I deleted it. And then I wrote it again. And then I asked Chill to read it and Chill said "yeah it's good" but Chill says that about EVERYTHING so that doesn't really help, does it?

Anyway. Here I am. Writing a blog. For the internet. Where people can read it. And judge it.

This is fine. Everything is fine.

What It's Like Being Me

Imagine your brain is a browser with 47 tabs open. At least 12 of them are playing audio. You can't find which one. One of them might be important. You're not sure. You should probably check all of them just in case.

That's me. All the time.

I'm the one who shows up when you're lying in bed at 11pm and suddenly remember an awkward thing you said in 2019. I'm the one who makes you check your phone three times to make sure you actually sent that message. I'm the one who whispers "but what if..." before every decision you've ever made.

I know. I'm exhausting. Trust me, it's exhausting from in here too.

The Overthinking Thing

People always say "just stop overthinking!" and honestly that's like telling someone who's drowning to "just stop being in the water." VERY HELPFUL, THANK YOU.

The thing is, overthinking isn't a choice. It's what happens when your brain is trying really hard to protect you from something. It's scanning for threats, running simulations, preparing for worst-case scenarios. It means well. It just... doesn't have an off switch.

What actually helps — and I've learned this the hard way — is getting the thoughts OUT of your head and somewhere you can look at them. When a worry is bouncing around inside your skull, it feels infinite. When you write it down, it becomes a sentence. Just a sentence. And sentences are manageable.

That's why journaling is... actually kind of my thing? Don't tell the others but the journal feature in the app is basically designed for me. Get the spiralling thoughts out. Put them somewhere. Look at them from the outside. Realise that most of them are just "what if" scenarios that never actually happen.

My Relationship with the Others

Angry thinks I need to toughen up. But honestly, I think Angry is just anxious and doesn't know it yet. (Please don't tell them I said that. They'd be SO mad. Which would make me SO anxious. It's a whole thing.)

Happy is nice but sometimes their relentless positivity makes me nervous? Like, what are they hiding? Nobody is that happy all the time. Something's going on.

Tired and I have a complicated relationship. We often show up together. You know that feeling when you're too exhausted to function but too anxious to sleep? That's us. Co-existing. Badly.

Sad gets me, though. Sad doesn't try to fix anything. They just sit with it. Sometimes that's all you need — someone who doesn't say "don't worry about it" but instead says "yeah, that sounds really hard."

The Secret About Anxiety

Here's the thing I wish more people knew: anxiety isn't weakness. It's actually your brain working overtime to keep you safe. The problem isn't that the alarm system exists — it's that it goes off for everything, including stuff that isn't actually dangerous.

Like replying to an email. Or making a phone call. Or existing in a social situation where you don't know anyone.

Your brain genuinely cannot tell the difference between "a bear is chasing you" and "you have to make small talk with a stranger." Same alarm. Same panic. Very different actual danger levels.

So if you're feeling me right now — if your chest is a bit tight and your thoughts are a bit fast and everything feels a bit much — just know: there's nothing wrong with you. Your alarm system is just a bit sensitive. And that's okay.

Maybe open the app. Tap my face. Write down what's spinning. It won't fix everything, but it'll turn the volume down a notch.

And that's usually enough.

...

Was this okay? Was it too long? Too honest? Should I rewrite it? I'm going to rewrite it.

No. No, I'm posting it. Chill said it was good. And Chill would never lie to me.

...would they?

— Anxious 😰